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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26214811">Love me n̶o̶t̶ by the moon</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirabunny/pseuds/shirabunny'>shirabunny</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Actually I'm bad with everything, Aged-Up Character(s), Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Sorry, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:14:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,698</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26214811</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirabunny/pseuds/shirabunny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Semi believes that his love is enough for two. So even if Shirabu doesn't love him like he did before, it will still be enough. </p><p>Because his love is enough to warm their slightly and steadily getting cold embrace. His love is enough for fireworks to spark whenever their lips met. His love is enough to feel and put the love in their I love you’s. Semi likes to believe it's enough. He's enough. </p><p>Semi is selfless but Shirabu isn't selfish.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Love me n̶o̶t̶ by the moon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Semi desperately tried to put the pieces back of his slowly shattering dreams, but no matter what he does, he just can't seem to fix it completely like it was before. </p><p>Of course he wouldn't be able to; after all it was a dream build by, and for two. It was a dream which foundations are love and burning passion of two completely different yet alike individuals. It was a dream build by Semi and Shirabu. </p><p>And sooner or later it will be a dream that was just, and will always be a dream. </p><p>Can one build a dream for two? Love for two? Burn for two? Yes? No? Maybe? No.<br/>
Semi knows that but still he's willing to try. </p><p>How did this happen you ask? Semi doesn't know. One day he just woke up and realized it wasn't the same anymore. Their passion doesn't burn as fiercely as before, and as day passes the flame glows lighter. Maybe because they burned too brightly before? </p><p>Maybe they burned too bright, too fast, and too fiercely that they are starting to run out. But Semi doesn't care if they were, because Semi is willing to burn till their ashes and rise from it like a Phoenix. Semi likes the sound of that, so maybe they'll be like a Phoenix. </p><p>Semi believes that his love is enough for two. So even if Shirabu doesn't love him like he did before, it will still be enough. </p><p>Because his love is enough to warm their slightly and steadily getting cold embrace. His love is enough for fireworks to spark whenever their lips met. His love is enough to feel and put the love in their I love you’s. Semi likes to believe it's enough. He's enough. </p><p>Semi is selfless but Shirabu isn't selfish. </p><p>Shirabu knows that some things have changed. He knows how he doesn't burn the same and loves Semi as much. He also knows that Semi is well aware and is trying to fix it with everything he can. </p><p>Semi would always try to drag him back into him whenever he felt like Shirabu is drifting apart from him. He would attach himself to Shirabu; clinging onto him even when the younger is studying or had just returned from their shared apartment not letting the latter escape from his tight embrace as if letting him, means letting go. Semi always does his best to make Shirabu feel that he's at home. That Semi IS his home. Semi is trying really hard to put the pieces of an already broken glass back together. And Shirabu is not stupid, he knows that this isn't for Semi to fix, it was his. </p><p>And maybe, just maybe, it's not something that can still be fix. </p><p>But even with that possibility in mind he still tries. He's trying really. Trying not to drift away. Trying to fuel his passion. Trying to love Semi...more. He's trying to love Semi more. More because slowly, he's loving him less. And he's afraid, no, terrified would be the right word. He's terrified by the thought of not loving Semi anymore. Terrified by the thought of letting him go. Terrified of not having Semi. </p><p>Both well aware that they were caught in a "drifting apart but can't let go of each other" relationship yet no one said a word. So they continued to act as if nothing was wrong and do what they normally do: Shirabu attending Semi's gigs every time the said boy has one and Semi staying up late with Shirabu to accompany him with his studies and makes sure he sleeps. They kept doing that until their usual Friday date night the dreaded topic was brought up absentmindedly by the older. </p><p>It was a starless night that Friday; the moon also not in sight. It was just them under the dark cloud sky on their pillow - filled balcony and only their scented candles and laptop as a source of light. </p><p>They decided not to go outside that night, both too exhausted and simply wanting to relax. So there they are tangled up with each other watching a recorded match of Schweiden Adlers, supporting their ace and friend Ushijima Wakatoshi (also because Tendou would give them a mouthful if they missed a match asking; well more like telling them of, on what kind of friend they are not being supportive and the likes). </p><p>Semi loves the way Shirabu's eyes light up whenever their ace spiked the ball, with a satisfying smack, leaving the blockers defenseless. Semi loves that look of Shirabu; fire, determination, and admiration clearly evident on his eyes. The younger used to give him those eyes when they bicker back in high school. Not that he doesn't now, just not with the same intensity. </p><p>Semi loves Shirabu's deep brown orbs that would twinkle at the sight of him. He loves his soft and calm voice uttering stories that had piqued his interest and swearing not by the moon their dreams of forever and promises. He loves how his lips curl up and his rare laugh on his lame jokes and stories. He loves the sight of his flushed cheeks and his soft lips. He just loves him in general. Semi loves him a lot so how did they come this way. And why is it still like this. Why? </p><p>"Huh? What why?" </p><p>Semi snapped back to reality when he heard the younger's voice. He must've been spacing out and accidentally voiced his last though. So now he has a puzzled Shirabu staring at him, not so patiently waiting for his answer. It was quite a sight. An incredibly cute sight. </p><p>"It was nothing. Just a thought of sort." he said with a small smile while ruffling the younger's copper hair resulting an impressive pout. </p><p>That would've been a good opportunity to bring the topic up but Semi is scared. He's not yet ready to let the younger go. Not yet and maybe not ever. So albeit the thoughts of whys and hows bothering him, having no Shirabu beside him seems like an even heavier burden, so he decided not to push it. </p><p>Well atleast not until the pleading look with those wide doe eyes the younger threw at him. </p><p>"But you've been spacing out Eita so it must be quite a thought if it made you like this. You know you could always talk me right? I'll listen." Shirabu insisted while offering a small smile. But deep inside his mind he knew what's about to come next. </p><p>Should Semi tell him? And if he does then what? Will they end it? Will they fix it? Will they be okay? Semi's not yet tired (he doesn't know if he ever will). He can still fight; cover up the holes and pick the shards up. Telling Shirabu may be the right thing to do but it might not bear the best outcome, the outcome he wanted them to have.<br/>
But still he asks, because he's weak, weak for Shirabu. Whatever this talk may bring he'll accept it, he doesn't have a choice after all. </p><p>"Why have you not yet end us?" Semi slowly spoke up after a few minutes of staring at each other but this time he was just paying attention to the city's night lights. </p><p>Shirabu seemed to be taken aback by the question; his eyes widened and lips parted. </p><p>"What do you mean? Why would I end us, Eita?" </p><p>"You know exactly what it meant, Kenji." He said finally looking up to see Shirabu with an unreadable expression on his face. </p><p>But unexpectedly Shirabu smiled. The smile that he used to give to his Eita. And with that, the words "Why would I end us if I still love you Eita? I still love you." left his mouth. </p><p>"But you don't know how long you still will, Kenji. And slowly the holes will be even bigger and the shards will be harder to pick up alone. So tell me, how much time do we have? I'll take it, no matter how short." </p><p>Ah he finally admitted it. He finally admitted that he can't fix everything by himself, that he's incapable of building their dreams alone, burning for them both, and loving enough for the two of them. </p><p>After a few minutes of an unbearable silence Shirabu broke the ice with his answer. </p><p>"I don't know Eita...I really don't know. All I know is that I love you and I can't let you go yet." </p><p>Yet? So he plans to let him go? Oh. Of course, he does. After all, why would he, "Shirabu Kenjiro" continue to love a "Semi Eita"? He's just him, and Shirabu is so much more. With the love gone he will mean nothing. </p><p>"Then, will you love me till you no longer do? Will you stay with me until I can no longer put the pieces back together? Till our "us" becomes a "you and me". Will you stay by my side?" </p><p>Shirabu wasn't able to answer those questions. He was thinking what the reasonable decision would be. How he should react. How to go back to the time where they were still complete, burning and happy. </p><p>"Will you not stand by me Kenjiro?" </p><p>"What? Of course I'll stand by you Eita! Don't say that..." Shirabu replied, almost too hurriedly. He won't leave Eita alone...yet. Heck he doesn't even know if he'll be able to leave him. Because Semi Eita is the man of his dreams (maybe not his reality) he's all he could ever ask for. Semi Eita may not be perfect but surely he's the closest to that word. Semi is...was he's everything. </p><p>Shirabu's train of thoughts was caught on a turbulence when Semi suddenly laughed. He was laughing as if Shirabu just said something funny; as if he was incredibly overjoyed and happy (is he really?). </p><p>“Thank you Kenji. I swear not by the moon even in this moonless night that once you no longer feel the love, I'll let you go and set you free. Just, swear as well you'll stay until then." with that Eita smiled, the most beautiful smile Kenjiro has ever seen before. </p><p>Because behind that smile lies thousands of feelings unsaid. </p><p>"That's so selfish Eita." Shirabu said with a chuckle. </p><p>"What is? My request? But even so please let me. Just this once, I want to be selfish." </p><p>But Shirabu wasn't referring to that. He was referring to himself. Because that would be very selfish of him and he didn't want to be selfish, not at Eita. Even so, no words where claimed just another smile that hid a lot of words unsaid. </p><p>With that they went back to the completely forgotten match as if they did not just put an unknown expiration date to their relationship. </p><p> </p><p>No other words were said about that night. They continued to act like they did before, if not, even closer for some reason. And Shirabu is incredibly pleased with that, because he thought that night would change their everything. But he thinks it did not.</p><p>Semi would still invite him to his gigs and make him listen to all of his self-written songs (all of which are for him).  He would still pick him up in med school to go on dates and if he's too busy then Semi would just serve him at home. Shirabu does the same. He would wake up early to cook breakfast (Semi usually does the cooking because he said Shirabu should just spend the time to cook in sleeping. Although sometimes they would just order take outs whenever Semi overslept, which wasn't so often) in which Semi scolded him the first time he did, trying and miserably failing to hide his smile. Sometimes he would even help Semi with his songs. They were almost back to where they started. Almost. </p><p> </p><p>The happy moments lasted for a month because after that Shirabu faced an unsurprising truth. How foolish of him really. How foolish of him to think that they are doing fine, better even. How foolish of him think to think that Semi is okay and coping well. How did he not notice that slowly Semi is breaking apart? Just how?<br/>
He wouldn't even have known that if Semi didn't came home drunk that night. </p><p>It was another moonless night when that happened (Shirabu has started to think the moon is their sign). Semi attended a band meeting to discuss some things with the bar manager. And it was already way past midnight but  Semi hasn't returned, which was extremely unusually because he would always come home right after the meetings or at least inform Shirabu that he would be returning late. </p><p>But that night was different, no calls or texts and Shirabu is starting to worry. He has been trying to reach Semi out but his phone was unavailable. He was already preparing to go out and pick Semi up when the door of their apartment opened revealing a flushed face Semi. </p><p>Shirabu was ready to lecture him but was taken aback when Semi looked at him with his puffy eyes. With that, his anger dispersed and was replaced with worry. </p><p>"Eita! What happened? Why are your eyes swollen? Did you cry? Wait no-forget it, that was a stupid question. Why did you cry Eita? Tell me why?" Shirabu bombarded Semi as the older walk towards him. </p><p>Surprisingly, Semi laughed and it wasn't a laugh "laugh" it was a rather bittersweet laugh. </p><p>"We happened. You happened, Shirabu." Semi answered as he plopped down the couch. </p><p>Shirabu was surprised with the answer, moreover when Semi called him Shirabu. The last time he called him that was way back in high school. It took almost a minute for him to regain his composure. </p><p>"Call me Kenji or Kenjirou, Eita. Like you always did." He firmly said as he sat on the chair across Eita's. </p><p>"Eh? Why would I call you that? Wouldn't it be better if I start to call you Shirabu now? Then maybe by the time you end us, I'll be used to it." The older mused. </p><p>He's drunk Shirabu, stay calm. Shirabu repeatedly reminded his self. But how can he stay calm? How can he, when Eita is looking at him with his now pained and glossy eyes, tears threatening to spill. But before he can even answer, the older talked again. </p><p>"What about are dreams Kenj- Shirabu? What will happen to them when we end? We haven't reach them yet you know? But we're almost there. I mean, in just a few more months you'll graduate med school and then you'll finally become a doctor. And me, well I guess taking you with me on my world tour is still quite far but our band is gaining popularity these days so it probably won't be long before we get a recording contract. And after that we can even move out and buy that house we always wanted. We already have enough savings for the down payment after all and surely we'll be able to pay for it once we start our jobs...We're almost there Kenji and yet, I feel like we won't reach." </p><p>"We've talked about this Eita. More importantly, you should sleep. You're drunk Eita, so rest now. I'll take care of you." Shirabu has not yet processed everything that Semi said so all he could do was offer him a reassuring smile (what was he even reassuring). </p><p>"You're making it hard for me Kenji." </p><p>"Huh? I'm making what hard for you Eita?" </p><p>"You're making it hard for me to let you go. How can I? When every time I see you, I fall over again and I see you everyday. How can I? When your scent lingers on our bed sheet and God knows how much I love your scent. How can I? When your soothing voice is all I ever hear and wants to hear. How can I? When you show how much you care and I still feel your love. And desperately, I want it all. I want all your love Shirabu Kenjiro. But I can't and to top it all, mine is already limited." </p><p>Shirabu let him talk, he didn't know what to tell or what to do to him. All he knows is that he doesn't want to see Semi hurt this way ever again. So even if it pained him to see Semi like this, he let him pour his heart out and express what he feels out loud. </p><p>But that didn't last long because Semi's words were soon replaced with sobs. It's not like Shirabu hasn't seen him cry before, he did for a couple of times. Like when they lose their last game to a fallen powerhouse school in Semi's last year of high school, when the guy that Semi took a liking (because he said that he kind of reminds him of Shirabu) in that drama they were watching died, the hardest he ever did cried though, was when his dog, Filter died. But his cry that night was different. He was crying harder than he did when his dog died and yet more quite. It was as if he's silent sobs carried the heaviest burden and his deepest feelings because it did. </p><p>"You know Kenji sometimes I wish there was just someone else, that you just want someone new." </p><p>"Why would you want that Eita? You know I'm not in love with someone else nor will fall in love with someone new especially when I'm in a relationship." Shirabu answered gathering every ounce of his strength to speak and look at Semi. </p><p>Semi chuckled a little before answering back.<br/>
"I know that. I just thought that maybe it would have hurt less if you did. Because honestly, I'd rather watch you fall for someone else than watch you slowly fall out of love at me. Trust me you wouldn't want to be at my place and I'm glad you aren't. I don't want you to ever experience the same pain. It's unbearable, slowly killing you in the inside." </p><p>With that Shirabu broke. He just couldn't take it anymore, watching the tears slowly rolls out of Semi's eyes is a complete torture. And so he wrapped Semi in a tight embrace, the older didn't even have the strength to resist. He stayed like that with his now tear tainted cheeks. </p><p>He'll be ending it earlier that he thought, it seems. </p><p> </p><p>They woke up closer than they ever did before that morning. In fact, too close that Shirabu almost suffocated, too close that it almost made Semi happy but for some known reason it didn't. Semi didn't remember anything about what happened that night; the complete opposite of Shirabu who had it tattooed on his mind. </p><p>When the older asked if ever did do anything the younger didn't fill him up and simply brushed him off. Semi apologized for coming home late drunk but didn't explain the reason why he did drink which Shirabu is thankful for (he doesn’t know if he can handle it if Semi did explain). The rest of the day was spent with Semi not getting off his tail telling him that he is making up for the drunken night which he didn't really need to because Shirabu is not mad (he wishes he was just mad). </p><p> </p><p>Shirabu started paying more attention to Semi. He would observe his every move and reactions at him, trying to read the older and to see if he's starting to hurt him.</p><p>That's when he noticed the shifts of emotions in Semi's eyes whenever the older thought he was no longer looking. Semi always shows him his cheeky and sweet side whenever they are facing each other. He would always just smile at him but once Shirabu is no longer paying attention to him or when he turns his back the smile will falter. The glow in his eyes will dim like when the dark clouds cover up the shining sun.</p><p>Shirabu saw how genuine Semi is (not that he doesn't already know this); how the smile he gives Shirabu is different from others, how he lights up whenever Shirabu smiles at him or see him working hard, how Semi burns when he's writing songs (dedicated to Shirabu), how genuinely beautiful Semi is as person and as a human being. And there is definitely no denying on that last one. Semi is ethereal. His soft ashen blonde hair with black tips, his smooth pale skin, his black eyebrows which contrast his hair, his pointed nose and soft pinkish lips, his tall and muscular built. Everything is just beautiful. Too beautiful. </p><p>"I know I'm good looking but I can't have you staring at me like that I might melt. Take a picture it will last longer." </p><p>"Sure." </p><p>Shirabu did unconsciously took a picture which made both of them human tomatoes after it had hit him. He didn't regret it though because the photo is a real treasure. </p>
<p> </p><p>Observing Semi didn't make it hurt less for Shirabu. In fact the more he observes him the more he wants to end the sufferings. Because Semi with pained eyes is his least favorite look at him and he doesn't want him to look like that ever again.  He specially don't want to hear Semi's quiet sobs and the late night thoughts he voices out when he thought Shirabu was as sleep.</p><p>No more "Don't let your dreams be dreams, they said. But how can I, when you won't let me to. When I'm only your dream but not reality." by Semi. </p><p> </p><p>The observation lasted for two weeks. Semi is quite aware about Shirabu's staring but he let him be because he does get to stare back without the younger snapping at him and who knows how much longer he will still be able to stare. And secretly he's hoping that maybe if Shirabu stares at him long enough he'll fall in love over again. And man was he wrong. The staring was definitely not for that purpose. </p><p>Because Friday came and it was a rollercoaster ride for Semi. </p><p>In the morning, it was as if he was bestowed upon the holy light; in the afternoon, dark clouds, menacingly evil, covered up his sun; night was filled filled with pouring rain and roaring thunders. </p><p>Their dream took one big step forward and then reached its dead end. </p><p>Friday, around five o’clock in the afternoon, Semi had just returned home from another meeting with his band mates and the bar manager. He has been out since early in the morning for his other duties, leaving a still passed out Shirabu, sleeping so soundly; the younger seems to be stressed for the past few days so Semi let him be, leaving breakfast for the younger to reheat. </p><p>When he opened the apartment door, he was welcomed by complete silence which wasn’t really surprising or unusual, except it is, because somehow it feels empty. As if they were missing some things, some furniture maybe? Were they robbed? And if they were then… Almost immediately Semi called out Shirabu’s name. Calling the police didn’t even crossed his mind because Shirabu’s safety is his first priority. He can’t lose him like that. He can’t lose him forever; he can’t let something bad happen to him specially when he’s not there and is unable to do anything. He’d rather have Shirabu broke u- </p><p>“Stop shouting Semi-san! I’m here in our room!” Shirabu’s shout echoed in, mixed with Semi’s voice calling for him. </p><p>Semi rushed into their room and immediately hugged the younger. He really thought he lost him. He was too scared that he missed the fact that Shirabu just called him ‘Semi-san’ again. </p><p>“What are you even yelling my name at for? Wha-" </p><p>“Are you okay? Were you hurt? Did you see their faces? It’s okay if you didn’t as long as you’re safe. Wait… have you called the police? We should ca-” </p><p>“Huh? Why are we calling the police? What faces? Why would I be hur… um what are you even talking about?” </p><p>“What do you mean? Weren’t we robbed?...Wait we didn’t get robbed, but I think we were missing some things in the living room. It felt quite empty maybe we should check it out.” </p><p>“First of all Semi-san, if we were robbed the apartment would’ve been a mess and there would’ve been a ruckus outside. Also, when you look for someone you thought was missing or in danger you usually check their room first not just shout their names.” Shirabu deadpanned while trying to escape   Semi’s embrace. </p><p>“Well I’m sorry that I was too worried that I couldn’t think straight…wait did you just call me Semi-san?” </p><p>Semi properly separated himself from Shirabu to look at him, only to see his expressionless face. </p><p>So, that’s how it is, he thought. He knew it was coming but he didn’t expect it to be this early. And it really just has to be by this time. But he won’t be able to do anything about this so he just readied himself for the shards that are about to crash. </p><p>“Semi-san. I think I’m ready to let go.” </p><p>“You think?” Semi questioned with the words ‘But I’m not ready to let you go.’ left unsaid. </p><p>Shirabu sat down on their… Semi’s bed before answering back,<br/>
“Ah no, I’m ready now. So please let me go Semi-san.” </p><p>“You know you don’t have to ask twice Kenjiro. Also you could have at least called me Eita. If this is to be the last time, call me Eita.” </p><p>“I’m sorry but I’m going to have to refuse, Semi-san.” (Because I wouldn’t want to have call you by your first name if it is to leave a bitter taste in my tongue. So it’s better this way. I don’t want to make it even harder for you to let go.) </p><p>“So that’s why there seems to be some things missing.” </p><p>“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to inform you but I already did prepare my things to move out. The move out truck employees helped me moved out just before lunch.” </p><p>“It’s alright. I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to help you. So, you don’t have any more things left in here? Everything gone?” (You, gone.) </p><p>“I think so.” Shirabu wants to think that Semi is okay with what was happening. He wants to but he knows that once he leave the façade will wash off. </p><p>There was silence after that. Both did not know what to say or do. What do you even have to say or do in break ups? Do you just say sorry and leave? Do you just watch the other person cry? Do you just ask why? That’s what they do in movies. The stereotypes. </p><p>But they didn’t do any of that. No one said sorry but soon of course Shirabu will have to leave, what used to be his apartment. No one cried, haven’t. No one ask why because they both knew this was to happen. And asking would just be rubbing salt to the injury. </p><p>“I’ll go now, Semi-san.” Shirabu stood up and walked his way to the door, his shoulder brushed with Semi’s as he walked pass through. </p><p>“I’ll walk you out, Kenji.” </p><p>“You don’t have to. Also, please call me Shirabu.” </p><p>“Right, Shirabu. Let’s head out now. It’s going to be dark soon. ” The word 'Shirabu' left an unpleasant taste on his mouth but he didn’t mind. Not yet. </p><p>So together (not anymore) they headed out, Semi tailing off behind Shirabu. Looking at his back walking away tugs his heartstrings. And slowly it’s starting to feel real. Slowly, it’s sinking in. </p><p>Shirabu could feel Semi’s piercing gaze and the thoughts floating around his mind but he didn’t dare look back. He kept on moving towards the door even when he felt that Semi stopped walking. He no longer want to see Semi’s heart break in front of him so he grab the doorknob and open the door. Only then Semi seems to snapped back and hurriedly followed him. They headed to the elevator, not a single word uttered. Semi looks like he’s thinking about something and Shirabu busies himself with the elevator, as if he was memorizing every single scratches he will no longer get see. </p><p>Then elevator pinged, they had reached the ground floor. Oddly enough no one else was outside except for the both of them. </p><p>“I’m good here Semi-san, You can head back no-.” </p><p>Semi suddenly engulfed him into a hug. It was the kind of hug that screams, once you let go, you can never grasp back. And before Shirabu knew it he was already hugging back. Why was he even hugging back? He said he didn’t want to make it even harder for Semi but there he is, making it harder than ever.</p><p>“Let go. Semi-san.” He said now trying to escape the older’s embrace. But Semi didn’t listen; instead he let his arms dropped but keep his head buried on the crook of Shirabu’s neck muttering words what sounds like “If this is the last time then let me.” </p><p>But before Shirabu could tell him off again Semi’s head shotted back up; his sharp dark brown eyes looking directly on Shirabu’s doe light brown ones. </p><p>“Kenjirou, before I let you go please tell me, you didn’t swear by the moon right?” </p><p>“I didn’t swear by the moon. I no longer love you. Not anymore.” </p><p>Semi smiled at his answer. The smile Shirabu never once understand. And so, Semi started to walk back to their… his apartment. Leaving Shirabu, standing and just staring.</p><p>Those nights didn’t change their everything. He did. </p><p>***</p><p>Semi closed the door of the apartment he now only owns; welcomed by the still empty feeling, the only difference was now he was sure why. That day was supposed to be a happy day for him. His band received a recording contract that morning; probably the same time Shirabu was moving his things out. </p><p>He planned to make their Friday date night special by letting Shirabu hear his new song (which he’ll probably change the lyrics since it will no longer feel the same).  He was supposed to tell him his great news and surprise Shirabu but now he was the one left surprised. He didn’t expect it to happen today. They were okay yesterday after all. Shirabu even went to his gig and if Semi knew that, that would be the last time then he would’ve played his song for him. </p><p>But thinking back he should have expected it to end out of nowhere; they did started shattering out of nowhere and so they will shatter completely out of nowhere. Semi just wished that he had that day happy but of course you can never be too happy. It has to be balance. He hates balance. </p><p>So now there he is, lying on the still slightly warm bed sheet; Shirabu’s scent faintly lingers and brushes around his nose while staring on their night sky inspired ceiling. His eyes glossy but no tears are spilling. Maybe he already cried enough before that there are no tears left to cry or maybe he's still unable to comprehend it completely. Maybe he’s still silently wishing that Shirabu would came knocking back on their door or that he was just still asleep and is having a nightmare. Maybe he’s still in the in denial phrase even if this is to be expected, you can never be too prepare for a heartbreak after all. </p><p>Semi’s dark brown eyes stopped at the sight of the quartered round waxed shining object right above him. As the memories of them with moon flashes back: the way he and Shirabu first met under the glittering moon, the night before the younger's volleyball try outs; the quarrels and bickering they both shared about which constellations is which; how he confessed under the same moon and how Shirabu accepted the confession; the late night talks about the most random things; how they had their serious fights late at nights; how they whisper their dreams of forever and swears not by the moon even on moonless nights; even their deep conversations and feelings were poured on the shaft of the moon's light. And now a new moon shone as Semi’s tears slowly escape on his now closed eyes. </p><p>The moon may be their sign, but unlike the moon they didn’t last, maybe not in that lifetime. </p><p>*** </p><p>“Good afternoon to our dear listeners! We have a very special guest today and I'm very sure you be able to guest who. Clues! Their band just successfully finished their 14 countries world tour with a lot of best selling albums and hit songs. Candidate for the Best band of the year. A member of the monster rookie band 2 years ago. Ladies and Gentleman guard your hearts and give a hand for ZERO’s Semi Eita!” </p><p>“What’s up guys! Semi Eita of ZERO here ready to snatch your hearts.” </p><p>“Congratulations to the success of your world tour!” </p><p>“Thank you very much. It was a long way to get there but totally worth it.” </p><p>“So we heard that the completion of the MOON album series will be a solo coming from you, is this true?” </p><p>“Yes, that is correct. Hopefully I will be able to suffice the anticipation they hold up.” </p><p>“I'm sure you will. And you know a lot of fans, both girls and boys, have been wondering where the idea of the MOON series came from. Some speculated that it was from your own experience even, being the song writer and all. So if it’s alright for you to answer, is the speculations correct or?” </p><p>“The minds of people this days are really amazing. But yes they’re not wrong.” </p><p>“So who among your exes is it? Wait you are single right now right?” </p><p>“Yes, I’m single and is waiting for someone to come around. And hey! You guys know I have only fallen in love once.” </p><p>“The number of people getting their hearts broken right now. So are you still waiting for that ex of yours.” </p><p>“Uhm… hahaha.” </p><p>“Oh hahahaha we heard again that you and your ex got a whole lot of history. Would you mind sharing? Because all of your fans have been going crazy over it.” </p><p>“I wish I have your ears to be able to hear this much. But I don’t mind I guess. I am only going to give some context after all and it will help the listeners to relate more to the songs."</p><p>“Still quite the joker I see. But did you hear that Circles (ZERO’s fandom)! The long awaited past will be soon revealed!” </p><p>“Hey you guys are making it such a big deal. But yeah… So we’ve known each other for a decade now, been together for seven and haven’t seen each other for two. We met under the moonlight on my  second year of high school, which was his first. It was the night before volleyball try outs, you guys do know that I played volleyball way back right? He was actually the one who replaced me as the starting setter and we used to bicker a lot back then because of that. But I not so unexpectedly fell so I confessed and he accepted my confession then boom we were kissing under the same moon. Then the moonless nights came along and it started to go downhill. Suddenly everything changed, suddenly we were burning less, he was loving me less. I tried to fixed it, actually we both did but you can’t force it I guess. You can’t force yourself to love someone more than you already have, once it reached its limit. You just can’t. And surely one cannot love enough for the both you. So we just kind of waited until the love he can give runs out although… Ah I think that’s about it and oh did I just give an advanced spoiler. ” </p><p>“Hold on let me just pick up the shards of my broken heart. So this is the story behind the MOON series, you know how this album series made our heart flutter then shatter. The songs in the previous albums are the ones you made in the past right? Will the ending be the same or will it be a new one?” </p><p>“Ah yes the previous albums are like our antique gems. The new one would be the same I guess, but this wasn’t actually the original one. I kind of revised it after the break up.” </p><p>“Oh very interesting. And since we have been talking about this ex of yours do you have something you want to say to him before we play the ending song?” </p><p>“I doubt that he would be watching right now considering the fact that he has a very busy job but sure I’ll say something I should have said 2 years ago.” </p><p>“OH! Go on now. Don’t be shy. While Semi prepare himself don’t forget to check their new album out okay guys? Oh he's ready now go on buddy let it out.” </p><p>“Uhm Hi? I doubt that your going to be watching this but I just want to tell you my maybes and realizations. I have this thoughts etched in my mind and I don't know of you have realized bat you know, maybe it's because we professed our love with the moon as our witness that on moonless night we fight. Maybe it's because you're fond of sunrises and i am with the sunsets. Maybe it's because what we have was love until it was very little and all it ever bear was pain. Maybe it's because we continued to love, well aware it won't last long. Maybe it's because its love that we ended this way. </p><p>"And oh, you know you really should stop swearing not by the moon on moonless nights specially if you were to do it the other way around. And I know you didn’t really fulfill your last swearing so you owe me one yeah?”</p><p>“AYE! What’s with the wink huh Semi-Semi? So now let us play the ending to the MOON album series; By the moon: Love Enough for Two by Zero’s Semi Eita!” </p><p>Maybe it wasn’t really love<br/>
When I say I’ll love enough for the both of us<br/>
But baby don’t you think that now<br/>
It can be a love enough for a vow </p><p>No more love enough for two<br/>
For me and you </p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me Dr. Shirabu but someone is here to pick up the medicine for Mr. Subaru. Wait are you alright doc? You’re kind of red.” </p><p>“Ah yes the ones Ennoshita-san asked me to hand over. And don’t worry I’m okay it’s just a little hot today. Don’t keep them waiting and let them in.” </p><p>“Okay, Doc.” </p><p>After the nurse closed the door Shirabu immediately lower down the television’s volume, and took a few deep breaths hoping it will aid his flushed face. Then proceeded to the cabinet where the paper bag of medicine is located the same time the door behind him opened and closed; only for his ears to once again hear the familiar sounding voice and be called by the name he far so longed. </p><p>“Good afternoon Doc, I’m here for Mr. Subar- Kenji?” </p><p>“Eita. I mean Semi-san it’s nice to see you again. You’re here for the medicines right? Everything is in this bag including the prescriptions and all. Ennoshita-san left early so he asked me to hand it over.” </p><p>“It’s nice to see you again too. And it’s no problem, thank you for- oh you were watching that so you heard…” </p><p>“Ah that, why didn’t I turned it off, uhm... I mean, yes I did.” </p><p>“So, coffee? As a thanks for giving the medicines and for waiting as well. Also for some catching up maybe? Only if you want to though.” </p><p>“Sure, just let me grab my things.” </p><p>Maybe the MOON album series will get a sequel; Love Me Not by the Moon: Us Again.</p>
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